Tina Garden

Subject: Lymbo’s Immigration Law ( Rush Lymbo’s Talk Show)
---Everybody’s speaking of immigration proposals these days. Let me add mine…call it the Lymbo’s Laws. ---First,…native language;….be a professional or investor. No unskilled workers allowed. Also…no special bi-lingual programs…no special ballots for elections. No government business will be conducted in your languages. Foreigners …. no right to vote or hold political offices….can not be a burden to taxpayers…not entitled to welfare or food stamps or other government goodies. ---You can come if you invest here…equals to 40,000 times of daily minimum wage. ---…buy land, it’ll be restricted. No waterfront for instance…have to relinquish individual rights to the property….no right to protest, allowed no demonstration, no foreign flag-waving, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our President or his policies. You’re a foreigner. Shut your….Come here illegally, you’re going to jail. ---Lymbo’s Laws are harsh? Everyone of the laws I just mentioned are actual laws in Mexico today. That’s how Mexican government handles….Yet Mexicans come here illegally and protest in our streets. How do you say double standards in Spanish? How about “NOMAS”?

Mission control : what's the status? picture still down sir. they ready to commencing moonwalk on your orders. I am eagle one this is mission control granting permission to commencing moonwalk.
Copy : Copy mission control commencing moonwalk. I'm climbing down now one final step and yes I am on the moon.
MC : ooh yeah. how's look up there captain Coby?
C : oh boy sure it's beautiful sir I can't believe it.
MC : how about Price and Mecalister.
Price : Yes sir I'm stepping out on to the moon right now this is the greatest moment of my life.
Mecalister : so are we seriously not going to land on the moon.
P : it's dangerous down there. yeah we just cut the picture and circle it couple of times come back and we are all freaking heroes.
M : um yeah I'm on the moon too it's freaking awesome.
MC : Captain Price what can you see.
P : I can see an inhospitable surface pop out of equator the crust is very thick. if I may sir I like to dedicate this moonwalk to my grandfather Mike Hawk.
MC : Of course captain Mike Hawk is now part of the American history.
M : yeah yeah and um um I can see an alien.
MC : could you repeat that.
M : yeah it's small and it's gray and it's shaking Coby's hand.
MC : Captain Coby? Captain Coby.
M : Oh my god the alien is eating Coby!
MC : what the hell is happening up there.
M : um it's the alien sir I think it's trying to communicate.
MC : Let me speak to it.
M : greeting earthlings prepare to die.
MC : Alien is attacking. Go to Defcon one abandon mission and detonate module.
C : but sir you can't
MC : I'm sorry captain we have no choice.
C : wait wait there is no alien it was a mistake.
MC : they been brain wash sir classic alien technique.
C : no this is Coby I'm alive we were just fooling around.
MC : damn it they taking over Coby's body destroy the craft.

Scene: A man answered a woman’ phone call in a club. The man and the woman seemed to be a couple.
1) Woman asked if the man was in the club and the man said “ Yes”. As the woman was in a mall, she wanted to buy a leather coat, which cost USD1000. The man agreed to buy it for her very generously.
2) Then, she told the man that she saw the new model of car in a car dealer. The car costs USD120,000. The man is generous to agree to buy it again.
3) Afterwards, the woman wanted to buy a house, which cost USD15,000,000. The man wanted the woman to negotiate the price to be USD14,000,000. The woman was very excited because her husband almost agreed to all of her requests.
4) After the man hung up the cellular phone, he asked if everybody knew who the possessor of the phone is. The man made a terrible joke to the woman and her true husband may not be willing to pay all of bills.
>>>>>>>>>>>> Man: Hello
Woman: Honey? Are you at the club?
Man: Yes
Woman: *giggles* I am at the mall now and I found this beautiful leather coat. It only a thousand can I get it?
Man: Well sure if you like it that much
Woman: ok, um I also stop by the Mercedes Benz dealership and found a new model you know the one I really like.
Man: How much?
Woman: A hundred and twenty
Man: Well with that price I want to put all the options
Woman: Great! Oh and one more thing the house we wanted last year that come on market they’re asking for one point five.
Man: Well make them an offer come in at the one point four.
Woman: *giggles* ok I love you baby
Man: I love you too
Woman: Ok bye
Man: um does anybody know whose phone this is?

Wheel of Fortune

Randy, congratulations on...making all the way to the bonus round....

Subject: Mom’s Jeans (JC Penny Commercial)
Are you looking for the perfect gift for Mom this Mother’s Day? Introducing Mom’s Jeans, exclusively in JC Penny…….. Mom Jeans fit Mom just the way she likes it…She will love the 9-inch zipper and the causal front cleaves…cut generously to fit Mom’s buns. She will want to wear them to everything from a soccer game to a night on the town….And with your choice of ankle-length, capri… or shorts, you will find the perfect jeans for even the least active moms. So this Mother’s Day, don’t give Mom that bottle of perfume; give her something that says: “ I am not a woman anymore. I am a Mom!”……

發現了中國24節氣的英文
實在是太酷了!


立春Spring begins. 　　
雨水The rains. 　　

as the elevator closes、your throat tightens、hands sweat、and mind races from one horrible thought to another. What if the doors won''t open? You begin to panic and pull at your clothes in desperation. If this terror sounds familiar、you may suffer from claustrophobia.
      Claustrophobia is an anxiety disorder involving the fear of confined spaces. When a claustrophobic is in an enclosed space、he or she may be prone to have panic attacks. Some claustrophobics may even pass out if they feel overwhelmed by a situation. To avoid these feelings、they try to keep away from circumstances that trigger the dreaded panic. Subways、buses、or other forms of mass transportation where people are packed side by side could set off an attack. Instead of getting around in this manner、a claustrophobic will choose to drive、walk、or ride a bike instead.
      Treatment for claustrophobia is available and with determination、it can be overcome. These elements are psychoeducation、breathing re-training、cognitive therapy、and virtual reality (VR) exposure. The aim of psychoeducation is to educate the patient. In this element、they learn about the claustrophobia that plagues them. Breathing re-training is a way for patients to relearn how to breathe naturally. Cognitive therapy helps patients learn and interpret their claustrophobia. Lastly、there''s VR exposure. 
      Claustrophobia can be cured. Patients must be willing to work hard to help release themselves from the locked doors of this disorder.